Why I’d Rather Tangle with a Jackson Pollock than a Bad Security Service

So here’s the thing: I’ve dealt with my fair share of unarmed security services—whether it's keeping a watchful eye on my bustling retail spaces or ensuring that my construction sites don’t turn into free-for-all hardware shops overnight. And let me tell you, it's more about the smarts and less about the muscles.

Real Talk: My Love-Hate Relationship with Security Services

Firstly, why unarmed? Because, frankly, the sight of a firearm raises more eyebrows than it quells fears in a retail setting. And while the pen might be mightier than the sword, in the security biz, a good scheduling software trumps brawn any day.

Now, I’ve seen it all—guards more punctual than a Swiss watch and others who probably couldn’t schedule a lunch break if their life depended on it. It gets even better when you throw in some cutting-edge tech and expect miracles. Just because you can use a smartphone doesn’t mean you can manage a security schedule that doesn’t look like a toddler’s attempt at Tetris!

And don’t get me started on workplace security. Ever tried to get a bunch of night owls to turn up for a morning shift? It’s like herding cats, but at least cats are cute.

Why Even Bother with Security, You Ask?

Well, unless you fancy turning your workplace into a free-for-all or your construction site into a midnight snack for thieves, security’s a necessary evil. But let’s make it less evil, more necessary, shall we?

Here's what to look for in a security service:

• Flexibility faster than a yoga instructor
• Scheduling smarter than a room full of chess champs (nod to my son Ethan here)
• Adaptability that could rival any chameleon
• An actual presence, because invisible security is surprisingly ineffective
• And lastly, guards with a sense of humor, because why not?

After all, if I’m going to pay someone to stand around and look tough, they might as well crack a joke or two while they’re at it.

Construction Site Chronicles: More Drama than a Reality TV Show

Ever watched a soap opera unfold live? That’s what managing security at a construction site feels like. Between the spontaneous weather changes and the random disappearances of equipment—seriously, did it grow legs and walk away?—you need a team that’s on their toes more than a ballerina.

And remember, just because they’re called ‘security guards’ doesn’t mean they should only guard their own lunch. Looking at you, Snowball, my ever-hungry Maltese Poodle mix.

In my experience